Learning To Breathe
by AudreyEvans22
Summary: They all felt the loss of Marissa, but no one felt it stronger than Kaitlin. Now as others are starting to come to terms with her death Kaitlin sinks further into self-destruction, will she turn out just like or sister? Or will she overcome?
1. Chapter 1

AN: HELLO MY NAME IS AUDREY AND THIS IS ONE OF MY FRIEND HARPERC23'S FICS I AM TAKING OVER. I HELPED WRITE THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS AND KNOW WHERE WE WANTED TO TAKE IT SO JUST REMEMBER TO REVIEW.

COUPLES: Ryan/Taylor, Seth/Summer, Lindsay/Spencer, Kaitlin/Johnny, Anna/Zach, Luke/Jess.

LEARNING TO BREATHE (CH.1 – Cut Myself On Broken Glass )

_Four months, that's how long it's been since I've seen your face, your smile, your beauty. Four months ago I had an older sister, who although a bit screwed up, I still loved more than anything. Now here I sit, in front of your tomb stone begging the tears to come but for some reason stay hidden inside, everyone has tried to move on. Ryan even finally found comfort in Taylor Townsend of all people, Seth and Summer who had become distant reunited, Lindsay met Spencer who has pulled her from her depression. Anna and Zach are considering getting back together, nothing's official yet, hell even Luke Ward and Jess Sathers found comfort in one another. And me? Who do I have? Our negligent father who came back for the funeral but has been missing for the past three months? Our emotionally unstable mother who has become best friends with the medicine cabinet? Or the boy who we played tug-of-war over who isn't worth either of our time? He comes by every day, tries to get me to talk, to say something with lies that he loves me when it's your ghost he's chasing. I send him away every time, I don't have much use for him or his lies. Marissa, wherever you are I hope that your happy, and warm, and loved because without you all of that has left me. I'm hollow, an empty dark shell of who I once was and who I will never be again…_

"Kaitlin?" the voice yelled out through the cemetery breaking her from her thoughts

Turning towards a light shining upon her she glares at the person holding it

"Kaitlin how long have you been here?"

"Five hours, why?"

"It's freezing out here, lets get you home" the voice pleaded but Kaitlin wouldn't budge, sighing in frustration he sat down next to her and looked at her in wonder.

"Why do you fight me so much?"

"Why are you here? Why do you pretend like you care about me?" Kaitlin asks without any emotion

"I do care about you Kaitlin" he tried again

"You care about Marissa, it's always been Marissa and in case you didn't notice I'm not her Johnny." She looked at the boy whose faced had saddened over the words he tried to reach for her but she pulled back.

"Don't"

"Kaitlin, please" he wanted nothing more than to hold her, if she would only let him

"Johnny when are you going to get it huh?" Her anger took him by surprise and she only waited a minute before running off, him close on her trail. They ran for what seemed like hours but when she finally stopped there they were, on the beach, just like the night he told her she would never be Marissa. The night he broke her heart and left her to cry.

"Kaitlin, why did you bring us here?"

"It's obvious this is where you told me, I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't here." She screamed at him.

"I'm so sorry for that, I was drunk and pissed, I didn't realized what I had till it was gone"

"You mean Marissa?"

"NO I MEAN YOU!"

She stared at him now with tears in her eyes, he quickly made his way to her and scooped her in his arms. She cried in his arms, she allowed herself to cry in the one place she vowed never to be again and she listened to his whispers wanting more than anything to believe them.

"I love you, your everything I want and more, I loved Marissa but not the way I love you."

"You don't love me at all" she tried one last time

"No I do, I tried not to but I can't pretend anymore, I want to be with you, I want to help you heal, please let me"

She looked up at him and realized that for the first time he could be telling the truth, that maybe by losing Marissa he had seen it was Kaitlin he had wanted all along. Leaning up on her tip toes their lips crashed together and the passion that had been buried and not allowed to come out, came rushing back all at once and she felt like herself again, she just wondered if it would last.

AN: END OF CHAPTER 1, REVIEW! CHAPTERS 2-6 WILL BE UP BY FRIDAY!


	2. Can't Take Anymore Heartache

AN: HEY GUYS I'M FINALLY BACK, I KNOW I PROMISED CH

AN: HERE IS CHAPTER TWO, I AM WRITING THREE AS WE SPEAK SO EXPECT IT SOON. PLEASE REVIEW!

LEARNING TO BREATHE (CH.2 – Can't Handle Anymore Heartache )

"Kaitlin are you awake?" The voice shouted into the door causing the younger girl to cringe in the fact that she was about to have to deal with one of Marissa's friends. As the door creaked open Kaitlin turned to it and watched as the redhead walked in with a weak smile.

"What do you want Lindsay?" Kaitlin asked with annoyance

"I just wanted to see if you needed a ride to Spencer's" She responded quietly without looking at the younger girl, though it was never spoken, it hurt Lindsay to look at Kaitlin and see a younger version of the girl she grew to love, the girl who had been taken from her, from all of them;

"Not in the mood today." Kaitlin said without even blinking, Lindsay looked back at her and sighed before walking up and sitting down by her.

"Kaitlin I know all this hurts, bad and I know a lesson of tennis won't even come close to healing your heart but your not alone, I want you to know that, we all loved Marissa, we all lost her, and we're all falling apart."

Lindsay chocked out and Kaitlin stared at her in shock, sure Lindsay and Marissa had become very close but Kaitlin was positive that Spencer had almost completely healed the fiery red head, looking at her now she realized how wrong she had been. Reaching over for her the two came together in a fierce hug, neither willing to let the other go afraid if they did then they too would disappear. The embrace was surprisingly comforting for Kaitlin and for the first time since Marissa's death she actually smiled before pulling away and heading for the door, when she realized Lindsay wasn't following she turned and looked at the girl who stared at her in amazement.

"What? You said Spencer had something to teach me, so let's go watch him teach!" Kaitlin announced with a surprising amount of excitement, however within seconds Lindsay had gone from shock to a mixture of relief and happiness.

"Your just like her, one minute your in the depths of despair, the next you're the pick me up people need after suffering from a terrible day." Lindsay said with a huge grin as she linked arms with the older girl and walked out as they made their way past the kitchen they caught eyes with Taylor and Summer who were talking energetically amongst themselves.

"Hey look whose up!" Taylor shouted excitedly before running up and embracing the smaller Cooper girl.

"Wow your hyper today, or is this normal behavior for you?" Kaitlin questioned with a smile that Taylor, Summer, and Lindsay all returned. After Taylor had pulled away Kaitlin turned to Summer and without hesitation walked over and embraced the other girl before she had time to question whether she should or not. After she pulled away she walked back over to Lindsay and linked arms with the red head pulling her out the door leaving the other two girls with a shocked but happy feeling that things were finally starting to fall back in place.

As they drove to the tennis courts Lindsay turned to Kaitlin and gave her another smile which she returned. Ten minutes later they finally pulled up to Spencer's car with him leaning against it with a wide grin across his face.

"Hey smiles you ready to get your butt kicked?" Kaitlin said as she stepped out of the car and walked up to Spencer.

"Well someone is in a better mood than usual." He responded as they began their match. Several hours passed and after leaving Lindsay and Spencer to hang out Kaitlin walked along the pier wondering if she was really ready to heal, was she really to let go of Marissa.

Minutes passed as she stood looking out at the ocean wishing more than anything that life without Marissa, really wasn't an option. As she began to think back on the last few years she had spent away from her sister, she realized on all she had truly missed and this caused nothing but pain.

"Hey." The voice caused her to jump but once realizing it belonged to one she thought she loved she grew impatient and she really didn't know why. How come she could make an effort to reconnect with everyone else but when it came to him she just shut down? The answer was simple, he had hurt her. Anger rose from within her and she quickly turned and walked away only to be pulled back by him and made to make eye contact.

"What's wrong?" His question was genuine she could tell, but this only made her angrier

"How come your always around?" Her question came out harsh and angry causing him to flinch a little, realizing she wasn't going to give him an answer to his question.

"I'm not always around Kaitlin, I was just passing by when I saw you."

"And you couldn't just leave me alone?" She snapped

"No I couldn't actually, is this how it's going to be from now on?" He asked trying to smooth the situation out as best he could.

"Look Johnny I get that your friends with everyone, they all like you and your going to be around but as far as we are concerned there is nothing there." She said trying to hold back the sobs, as she looked at him she saw the hurt she had hoped to place and watched as he shook his head.

"Why won't you let me in?"

"It's simple Harper, I simply can't handle anymore heartache." She said before turning and running as fast and far as she could, hoping to leave him behind forever.

AN: END OF CH.2 – REVIEW! CH.3 WILL BE UP LATER THIS WEEK!


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